India's disastrous performance

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These two posts appeared on my company's internal newsgroup soon after India's disastrous performance against Australia:
---Post 1---

hurreeey australia ko bevkuf banaya
australia ke betsmen ne itnmi mahenat karke run banaye.
jabki zarurat hi nahi thi.
wah wah !!!
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---Post 2---

BCCI CRICKET TEAM recruitment
Calling Guys For Place in the INDIAN Cricket Team ( Oooopsss BCCI CRICKET TEAM)
Experience --- 1+ yrs in playing Gully Cricket
No interviews … direct recruitment…
FCFS basis …. HURRRYYY RUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
desired skills:
batsmen should have expertise in managing run outs out of nowhere
fielders shud be sure to fumble when catches come along and gv as ugly a dive as possible
if applying for the post of skipper, shud have gud vocab to gv bold and outrageous comments to match other teams' mind games
if applying for WK, shud be able to manage let everythin pass between the legs and score consistent 40's in all matches
bowlers shud be capable of maintaining regularly irregular line n length
if applyin for the post of GOD, shud be sufferin from tennis elbow so as to b able to furnish proper excuses for non performing
if applyin for WALL, shud be able to struggle shamelessly on "non-foreign" pitches
if applying for VERY VERY SPECIAL post, shud be able to struggle against spin and play as far from the body as possible
if applying for OPENER, shud hv an inspiring "maa"
finally bowlers shud be able to score runs and batsmen shud get wickets regularly......
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